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MS, Fatigue, and Having Fun – Or, Readercon, Me, and A Lot of Naps

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three white stones balanced one atop each other, surrounded by two hands that are ready to catch the stones if they fall

It’s a delicate balancing act.
[Achieving Balance by James Jordan]

Readercon was this weekend. This was the second year I’ve been, and I love it more this year than I did last year. I got to do more this year than I did last year, too, and that made me happy.

For me–and for so many of you with chronic illnesses and/or disabilities–going to a con like this, or even going out to dinner with friends, is a delicate balancing act. I can’t just get up and go. I have to plan. I have to prepare. I have to realize that a two-hour or two-day event is going to cost me far more than that in time.

Readercon begins with Thursday evening programming and it runs through Sunday afternoon. Last year I went to only two or three panels before being overcome by pain and exhaustion and having to forget about the rest of the con. (Though, based on the timing, it’s likely I had active MS lesions during last year’s con, making it a far more difficult experience than it was this year.)

This year, I made extensive preparations for Readercon. I spent the first three days of the week resting. Stockpiling my spoons, if you will. It was boring. I wanted to go out and do things. But I knew if I did, I wouldn’t have nearly the energy I needed for the con. I scheduled a massage for Thursday afternoon. Massage is a great help to me; I go there in great pain and with fatigued muscles and leave there nearly pain-free and able to walk with ease. Then I spent the hours between the massage and the evening panels resting.

Friday morning I woke up and had to make one of those horrible adult decisions I hate to make. I could tell from how I felt that there was no way I would be able to attend the seven hours of panels I wanted to attend. I had to choose my favorites and acknowledge I might not even be able to attend all of them. It’s a horrid feeling. I want to go out and do things. I want to do ALL the things, as Allie Brosh would say. But my body won’t let me, so I have to be responsible and care for myself. It sucks.

So I took some meds, drank some water, and went back to sleep, all the while mourning the things I’d miss. It was the right choice. I had time to eat lunch, stretch, and otherwise be fully prepared for the afternoon panels. I stayed for almost four hours until my achey, yawning body let me know it was time to go home.

I didn’t make it to Readercon yesterday or today. That was it, my body was done. I can tell I’ll still be feeling the effects of it tomorrow, and possibly even further into the week. But because I was careful and took care of myself, I was able to attend some of the con and have a lot of fun. It was a successful balancing act. I’m glad I did it.


Written by tldegray

July 14, 2013 at 7:35 pm

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