She's a character, she has opinions.

Maintaining balance as a #spoonie

leave a comment »

“I think I get to a point where I find a happy balance and then something else sets my health issues off and everything goes haywire and I can’t get my body back on track regardless of what I do.”

Read the full article by Sandy at FightingFatigue.org.


This is me this week. This is me right now. I’ve been having a rough time of it and I can’t seem to get through this flare because it seems that every single day something else happens that pushes me right back to where I started. Tonight I’m debating with myself over whether or not I should attend a class tomorrow morning and I think I’m going to have to accept that I shouldn’t because if I do it’s going to set me right back to where I was at the beginning of this flare and all my recovery will have been for nothing.

In a way, I’ve become ruthless in my prioritizing. Today I did nothing. I turned off my phone, didn’t check messages or answer emails, I just rested. I had to because for the past week I’ve been neglecting my healing in favor of achieving and all I really achieved was a harder, longer flare than before. I’m even getting past the guilt for not being always available, much as people seem to expect me to be. Sometimes things can’t be dealt with in one day. Sometimes they can’t even be dealt with in one week. 

Other times I think I show a complete disregard for my health. As soon as I show the slightest improvement my instinct is to jump right back into things. For instance, I was very nearly doing math homework at midnight tonight because it was the first time I’ve felt well enough in days. That isn’t good for me. That sort of behavior will knock me down and leave me in bed for days.

It’s a process, right? I hope it’s one I can learn to navigate.

Advertisements

Written by tldegray

April 11, 2011 at 2:00 pm

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: