Gisele Bundchen and her privileged breasts.

“I think breastfeeding really helped. Some people here think they don’t have to breastfeed, and I think, ‘Are you going to give chemical food to your child, when they are so little?’ There should be a worldwide law, in my opinion, that mothers should breastfeed their babies for six months.” [Gisele Bundchen in Harper's Bazaar, qtd. in The Daily Mail]

Hi, Gisele! I’ll try to speak loudly because I’m not sure you can hear me all the way up on top of your mountain of privilege: NOT EVERY WOMAN CAN BREASTFEED. NOT EVERY WOMAN WANTS TO.

Now, I’m not a mom, I’ve never had a baby latched to my breast, so I can’t speak about personal decisions. At any rate, they’re personal, which means they aren’t mine to make for anyone else. (You following me, Gisele?) But off the top of my head I can think of many reasons why some women would be unable to breastfeed for six months.

Babies born with galactosemia absolutely cannot tolerate breastmilk. I think it’s great that your baby is healthy but some aren’t and it’s probably a good idea to remember that sort of thing when you’re proposing worldwide laws based on your own sense of superiority. We wouldn’t want to harm “your child, when [s/he is] so little” by feeding him/her the very thing that causes illness, would we?

Sometimes it’s mom’s health that prevents breastfeeding. Mothers with HIV can transmit the infection through breastmilk. Mothers with untreated and active tuberculosis also should not breastfeed. And mothers going through chemotherapy or taking Tamoxifen should not breastfeed. I know, I know, you aren’t HIV-positive, you don’t have TB, and you aren’t going through chemo, but do remember, dear, that you’re saying “worldwide” and in some places of the world TB is still a huge problem, as is HIV. What’s your recommendation here? Don’t have babies if you aren’t in perfect health? Don’t have babies if you can’t predict with 100% accuracy when you will be diagnosed with a disease? If you are diagnosed with a disease–even during your pregnancy–don’t receive medical help for it?

Then there’s time and money. Now, you’re a supermodel and your husband is a hunky quarterback and I’m pretty sure you both have money to spare. You can hire help, you can take time off from work, you can do a lot of things that ease the burden of breastfeeding. But sometimes other people can’t. I know, it’s pretty shocking. Sometimes mothers have to go back to work before that six months of yours is up. Sometimes they have to go back way before that. Maybe it’s really hard for them to take time away from a demanding job to pump while they aren’t at home. Maybe they can’t afford to be tired at work because they’ve been up at all hours feeding their precious bundle of joy. Maybe they’re poor, maybe they’re single parents, maybe they’re just exhausted.

I know I’m barely touching the tip of the iceberg of reasons why some women can’t or won’t breastfeed for Gisele’s recommended six months. My point is that you can’t know a woman’s reasons for not breastfeeding and you absolutely shouldn’t judge.

GOT THAT, GISELE?

Botox me until I look like the teen I am.

18 year old singer Charice Pempengco says she prepared for her upcoming role in Glee by getting Botox and Thermage, an anti-aging, skin-tightening procedure. [Source]

If you’re wondering why a teenager would need to look younger in order to play a teenager, Pempengco has an answer for you, and it’s all about competing with other women on the field of beauty: “All people will be anticipating how will Charice look? Is she good enough to pit against Rachel Berry? So of course there is tremendous pressure.” Not a great answer, is it? But you can certainly look around our society and see where she came up with it.

Frequently I find myself wondering when we as a society will realize we’ve gone too far. Obviously today is not that day, and tomorrow isn’t looking so great either.

Fat Chick To Wed, Fiance’s Feelings About Fat Solicited

At least that’s what People Magazine‘s headline about the engagement of model Ashley Graham should have read.

How does [fiance, Justin] Ervin feel about being engaged to a plus-size model?

“I’m the curviest girl he’s ever dated,” Graham says, “but needless to say, he loves it!”

Needless to say indeed. Because he’s her fiance. Because the two of them have agreed to spend their lives together. Because, presumably, they love each other.

Graham came to mainstream attention with the “controversial” Lane Bryant “Cacique” bra and panties commercial so those size 16 curves of hers have been examined in detail. But why continue to discuss them in an article announcing her engagement? There’s nothing truly novel about fat chicks getting married–hey, I did it in a size 16 wedding gown–and I can’t understand why her fiance’s opinion about her “curves” (and for “curves,” please do read “fat”) is germane to the topic at hand.

Oh, right. Because she’s fat. Because she’s fat and pretty. Because she’s fat and pretty and now somewhat well-known for “flaunting” her fat in a sexy commercial. So of course People Magazine wonders what her fiance thinks about her curves. Because to them, and to many, that’s all that’s important about who she is.

She loves to be one of the girls.

I hope you’re all humming along and thinking happy thoughts because I guarantee you’re going to need them.

Ladies, how’s your labia? Is it pink and fresh looking? Is it Barbie’s labia (if Barbie were allowed labia, that is)?

Well, it’s okay if it isn’t–and not because of something silly like ethnicity and perfectly normal changes to your body–but because My New Pink Button is here! Just apply the labial dye to your old, worn-out, and ugly labia and for 48-72 hours you too can have the labia color of your dreams!

Wake up and smell the Madonna-Whore dichotomy

Entertainment Weekly’s Tanner Stransky on Rihanna’s revealing cover photo on January’s GQ: “I guess the two things—her speaking out against domestic abuse and taking off her clothes—are  not mutually exclusive. But it’s a sort of odd dichotomy, if you ask me.” [Source]

Really. Wake up and smell the Madonna-Whore dichotomy, Tanner.

Excuse my pedantry, but I can’t get past Tanner’s apparent attempt at dodging what’s being said in that quote. A dichotomy is a division into two mutually exclusive or contradictory entities, so saying the two things aren’t mutually exclusive and then saying they are is just a bit, well, to quote Tanner, odd. Feels to me like Tanner’s paying lip-service to the idea of women’s rights while making sure we know what he really thinks.

A dialogue in response to the Fem2.0 blog carnival on caregiving.

TAMARA: We spend our personal–and often our professional–lives caring for others but when it comes to our own needs, those don’t even make the list! We’re lunch-skippers, lack-of-sleepers, and it seems we’re almost always in need of a little self-care.

SAMANTHA: Taking care of yourself first goes against an extremely powerful cultural impulse, and honestly most of the time it’s just too hard to do that.

Read Lean on Me at It’s Ridiculous Y’all.

Invitation: Fem2.0 Blog Carnival

Invitation to Fem2.0 Blog Carnival: For Women, the Other Side of Work Is NOT Play… It’s Caregiving

Caregiving is a job for which women usually don’t get or expect monetary compensation. It is a critical aspect of work/life and healthcare issues. How can caregiving be made easier to make our lives easier?

• What is caregiving in all its shapes and forms?
• What role does it play in women’s lives?
• What can be done, or what changes need to happen, to facilitate caregiving?

Blog about it by July 13 and send us the link, so we can add your post to the blog carnival on Fem2.0. Alternatively you can write a piece for the Fem2.0 blog and send it to info@fem2pt0.com.

How many women do you know who have been victims of violence?

There is a wonderful conversation going on on LiveJournal about rape. I say wonderful, but it is, of course, difficult and painful, and, yes, at times empowering and amazing. Cereta, the original poster, asks thoughtful questions about the men who try to stop and/or help women avoid sexual violence. She calls them “That Guy” and wants to know where they are and wants to hear stories of them. (She’s also a fantastic moderator so the conversation is controlled and civil. Anonymous posting is allowed because of the nature of the subject. It very much feels like a safe space.)

The conversation brought up something that I knew wasn’t widely realized but I didn’t realize just how hidden it is.

How many women do you know who have been a victim of violence?

Sit with that question for a moment and really think. You don’t need to tell me the answer, you don’t need to tell me their stories. I just want you to consider it and keep that answer with you as we speak, most especially if you are a man.

Naomi Wolf, Angelina Jolie, and me.

In the July issue of Harper’s Bazaar Naomi Wolf writes about “The Power of Angelina (Jolie),” suggesting that women want her and want to be her because she has and does it all. Jolie, she says, transgresses boundaries, rebrands single-motherhood, and even defies the social stigma of “homewrecking.” All of this is because Jolie has “created a life narrative that is not just personal [but] archetypal… [bringing] together almost every aspect of female empowerment and liberation.” Key to Wolf’s argument is how Jolie has apparently defied one of the main forms of social control instituted by the patriarchy, the Madonna-Whore dichotomy. Women can be good but not sexy, they can be sexy but then obviously they are not good, and Jolie is both good and sexy.

Wolf’s argument falls apart, in my opinion…

Read This is not your empowered female archetype at It’s Ridiculous Y’all.